last night i dreamt that kerry and francois were in my living room watching survivor as my grandmother chopped logs of red vines that were stuck together in half.

last night i dreamt i took a bus to alaska for some lavish housewarming party. our accountant was there serving hors d’oeuvres and he handed me a little dish of trail mix. i picked at some peanuts until i realized there were dried bits of chicken in the mix. i threw it away and accepted a purple vitamin water-water (the colorless kind) instead.

then suddenly i was in the parking lot and ellen degeneres approached me, congratulating me on my nomination. i was like, “thanks! what nomination?” and she was like, “you know, for your songwriting... i’d like to talk business with you sometime. we should work together.” secretly i was like, “what songwriting??” but for some reason i was really excited and wandering through the parking lot in a daze when i crashed into some boy on his bike and knocked him over. he was around 14 and really angry but said he’d forget the incident if i gave him my phone number. i woke up just then, there was an earthquake!, so i’ll never know if i gave it to him or not.